One For The Blog

"Some days you're the spray, some days you're the bear."
~Ancient Alaskan Proverb

Have you ever lurched 3 feet off your bed as you are falling asleep, you know that feeling of falling or leaping, maybe somewhere in between. Well, I did just that this morning and at a most inopportune time it seems. Don't get me wrong, I'm safe here in Quin but for my own peace of mind and paranoia I keep my bear spray within arms reach while I'm sleeping. Along with my dog... anyway a few nights ago I took the safety feature off my bear spray can, don't ask me why. And thus, this particular episode begins.

So a little before 5 am this morning I do one of those leap/lurch/jump moves in my sleep, vaguely I remember whacking something hard with my arm, sending whatever the object was across the room with a slam but the noise proved not to be enough to disrupt my peacefully slumbers... at that point. Ani's sneezing, however, no wait it was more like gagging, his threats of throwing up were enough to slightly rouse me. I drowsily peered down at him shining the cell phone in his direction to see if I'd be on clean up duty. I didn't see anything but he was heaving, wait no he's hacking, it's more of a...cough, cough, cough, cough, gag and now I join him. I try to suck in air but its choked off and followed immediately by more coughing, snorting and gagging. Now my eyes are watering I'm waking up quicker than I want, to find that I can't inhale without coughing out the attempt. Ani and I are a sight to behold. Now fully awake, confused and choking, I leap out of my warm bed and grab at the door! We both make a break for it, barreling into the hallway gasping for breathable oxygen. And we find it, only until the peppered air dissipates throughout the rest of the house. So for the next 1/2 hour I'm forced to use a fleece blanket to filter the spicy air. Yes, I have successfully maced myself and my dog out of bed with bear spray this fine Alaskan pre-dawn morning. Didn't we prophesy this back in June when the can was first holstered to my hip, up and down those river banks of the Kenai.

To be certain my hypothesis was accurate, I went back to the scene of the spray to investigate. The can, just as I had suspected, was laying upside down on the other side of the room. Yup, the oil was on the nozzle, proof was in the pudding so to speak, when I backhanded the can in my jumping/lurching- fit of sleep it had, in fact, fired. Releasing a poof of capsaicin, the active ingredient, into our otherwise fresh Alaskan air. This Counter Assault Bear Deterrent is 'tough enough to stop grizzlies from attacking humans' and to stop humans from sleeping in. A little ego check from God just in case I was getting a bit too sure of myself. Go ahead, have good laugh at my expense, we did.

"I realize how kind God has been to me, and so I tell each of you not to think you are better than you really are. Use good sense and measure yourself by the amount of faith that God has given you." Romans 12:3